Grammys 2015

THE GRAMMYS

Yes, AC/DC is opening! JK—I’m so not a heavy metal fan. The only reason I’m not fast forwarding right now is because I’m typing this. But I know a lotta rock fans are loving it. It’s pretty funny that Angus (is that his name?) is rocking his schoolboy outfit at his advanced age. LOL. The lead singer still sounds pretty good, huh? As rock guys go.

Are Katy Perry and John Mayer officially over? I can’t keep up. They’re both at the awards but not together.

No Bruno tonight. He’s been at the last four shows in some capacity (performing thrice and presenting last year). I miss him.

Um, I’ve barely heard of some of these Best New Artist nominees. Haim? (Any relation to Corey?) Brandy Clark (country, so it’s understandable that I don’t know her.)  And Sam Smith wins. I can accept that. I love his voice, and I like his accent. Unlike that cockney wench Adele. (Sorry, I still resent her.)

Hey, I can actually understand what Ariana Grande is singing tonight. She has a very good voice, but I often can’t make out the words when she performs live. Retraction: I spoke too soon, she just did some weird mellisma thing, and I have no idea what she sang. Enunciate, girl.

Jessie J and Tom Jones are singing “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” in tribute to the songwriters (not The Righteous Brothers, btw). Jessie is wearing another ugly dress. Nothing awkward about a hot, young girl singing a love song with a white-haired old man. Consider it a precursor to Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett doing the exact same thing later tonight.

Pharrell wins Best Pop Solo Performance. He’s wearing walking shorts with a jacket and bowtie. He’s a quirky fella. And his wife is wearing a hideous unitard that looks like she should be in front of a green screen. She doesn’t have the shape to pull it off.

Miranda Lambert is performing in all leather. Cute as a button, but I don’t do country. Fast-forward.

Sam Smith wins again, this time for Best Pop Vocal Album. He seems like a sweet guy.

Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj intro the queen, Madonna. I like this new song! It’s reminiscent of “Like a Prayer,” what with the chanting and the soulful choir backup. I mean that as a compliment. And Madge is still a great performer—not a great singer but a great performer.  Her 56-year-old body is insane! And the moves she can still do at that age. With my wonky knees, I can’t do what she does, and I’m more than a decade younger! I’m ready for the album, ready for the tour. And I will NOT leave early this time no matter how late it runs.

Oh goody—Taylor Swift is dancing to Madonna in the front row. Ugh. So over her “jamming” at awards shows.  And always in the front freakin’ row. We get it—you love music. Whatevs.

Beck just won an award. Haven’t seen him in awhile.

I’m reminded that I’m really a pop girl, not an R&B girl. I hardly know any of the nominated songs in that category. But Beyonce won, and I know her!

Ed Sheeran is up next. I like his music, but I haven’t taken the plunge and bought any of it yet. I’m almost there. I need some new stuff. Whiny white boys aren’t usually my thing (I’m looking at you, Dave Matthews and John Mayer), but Ed is very slowly winning me over. Fellow whiner John Mayer is actually singing with him. LOL. And for the record, I absolutely adore whiny white girls (Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, Dido) just not boys.

What? No camera shots of Katy Perry while John Mayer is up on stage? C’mon.

I just had a terrifying thought. This Ed Sheeran song, “Thinking Out Loud,” is holding at #2 on the charts. This performance could give it a serious push, and it might oust my beloved Bruno from the #1 spot. Then I might have to resent Ed.

ELO is performing? What a blast from the past. And Paul McCartney is out of his seat and loving it…until he noticed the camera lingering on him and promptly sat down. Poor Paul. I actually recognize these ELO songs. Who knew?!

Now Nicole Kidman is standing (pretty much alone). She’s not blocking anyone with her 5’9” frame plus 4” heels. Respectful to ELO but not to the folks behind her.

This Maroon 5 song is nice. Does it need Gwen? Probably not. Girlfriend is not a great singer, so I’m not sure she’s adding much. Loving the strings/orchestra though.

Not sure how I feel about Annie Lennox joining Hozier for “Take Me to Church.” She sounds pretty good though, especially when she takes the lead on “I Put a Spell on You.”

Some dude called “The Weekend” is introducing Pharrell, who is doing some weird performance piece. Okay, it was just a weird intro to “Happy.” Not my favorite performance of the song though.

Not sure what’s happening now. There was a pre-recorded message from Obama about violence against women. Then a monologue/spoken-word piece from a woman I didn’t recognize. Then a somber tune from Katy Perry. Things just got heavy outta nowhere. As much as I’m not a Katy fan, I have to say she sounded pretty good here. I still fast-forwarded over most of her though because as I said, not a fan.

This Imagine Dragons live performance of their new song (I guess?) is pretty good, but I don’t know if it’s simulcast (they mentioned Vegas) or a long commercial or what. There’s a Target logo in the bottom right corner. So confused…

I love Gaga’s voice, but I don’t love old standards, so I find this whole Tony Bennett-collab (the song, the album, the tour) thoroughly unappealing. Fast-forward…The sooner I catch up to live tv, the sooner I get to watch “The Walking Dead”!!!

Usher is singing some boring Stevie Wonder song that I’m not even familiar with (and I know and like my fair share of Stevie songs). But he’s a cutie, and he is working that suit. Still, fast-forward…Oh wait—Stevie came out to join him on harmonica, but he didn’t join in singing. I wonder if something is wrong that’s keeping him from singing tonight.

Country segment. I recognize Dwight Yoakam but no one else. I think they’re new artists. And no I’m not gonna rewind to find out who they are. The girl with Dwight looks like the Best New Artist nominee though.

Rihanna, Kanye and Paul McCartney doing their new song. And Rihanna sounds good! I think the Grammys bring out the best in her vocally. Her performance of “Stay” a couple years back was the best I’ve ever heard her. And the Bob Marley tribute with Bruno, Sting and the Marleys was very good as well. I think it’s a matter of staying within her range, and not reaching for high notes. Can’t  hear Paul though. Why is he even there if we can’t hear him? 

OMG, OMG! They just said Prince, the Prince, is presenting best album. I’m stunned and thrilled!

Why is Taylor Swift on stage again? This time she’s introducing Sam Smith, who has thankfully changed out of that red suit. I’m happy for his success. The vocals started off a little rocky. Don’t let the nerves get the best of you, Sam. His bud Mary J Blige is joining him. I learned on the AMA’s that he wrote a song for her, so I actually understand this pairing. He sounded better after the beginning, and Mary gave a lovely, understated (for her) vocal. 

PRINCE!!!! He’s still rocking the cane like the pimp daddy that he is. And the crowd goes wild (just like they did at the Golden Globes). I’m not the only one who gets excited when that little guy is around. Beck wins Best Album btw (as if I care who won—Prince is on the stage, people. Nothing else matters.) But it’s funny that Beck beat out four commercially successful albums to take the prize.

Okay, that was funny when Kanye ran up there. When I saw that Beck beat Beyonce, I was like "I hope we don't have another Kanye moment," and then there he was. LOL. Good to see him laugh at himself for once though.

What is Shia LeBeouf rambling on about? He’s speaking for Sia? Like the Native American who spoke for Marlon Brando back in the 70s at the Oscars? WTH? Sia is a weirdo. And it’s funny that she had fellow weirdo Shia read her thoughts to the world. It’s also funny that her name is Sia and his is Shia. Ha! Beautiful voice though. “Chandelier” is a killer song.

Like its singer, the “Chandelier” performance is equally weird. That Maddie girl from “Dance Moms” is whirling around again with…Kristen Wiig? Kinda recreating the SNL skit? And Sia is in the corner with her back to the audience. She really hates being seen. Like I said, weirdo.

Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” wins Best Song (awarded to songwriter). I love that song, but “Chandelier” was robbed!

Stevie Wonder (presenting Record of the Year with Jamie Foxx). Um, Stevie, your hairline has receded halfway on your head and yet you are still rocking long braids in the back. It’s kinda silly. Someone should tell him.

And Sam Smith wins again. He’s this year’s Adele, fitting since he’s so often compared to her. Cue the picture of him cradling his 4 trophies. Adorable that he thanked the guy who broke his heart and inspired this award-winning song (also very Adele).

Another somber moment as Beyonce sings a churchy song. It’s in response to all the racial unrest going on now.

And Bey introduces one last message song, the theme from the movie “Selma” by Common and John Legend.

Lots of choirs and orchestras tonight. Not a lot of rumpshaking. Wait—didn’t I have this same complaint about the Golden Globes, sorta? That show had a lot of serious moments, too. And mostly ballads tonight. Were there any upbeat songs besides “Happy”? Maybe Madonna. People will complain and diss the show, but I always enjoy the Grammys, even when my faves aren’t nominated. As long as I know most of the folks performing and they do a solid job (or keep it interesting in some way), I’m good. The fast-forward button my remote helps a great deal too.

See you in two weeks for the granddaddy of them all—the Oscars!