Golden Globes 2016

Either Jane Fonda really hated Jonah Hill’s “bear from The Revenant” bit (it kinda sucked) or she has a serious case of RBF (resting bitch face). Or that ruffle monstrosity around her neck and shoulders was about to swallow her whole. Anything’s possible.

Not loving my girl-crush J.Lo in yellow. I think she could use a different color. But Fashion Police says she was best dressed, so what do I know?

Brad Pitt is looking good. Short hair, clean-shaven. Me likey. Seriously it’s the best I’ve seen him in a long time. He’s looking downright boyishly handsome. Swoon.

Rachel Bloom of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend wins best actress in a tv comedy. You’ve probably never watched it, but I actually really like it. It’s quirky fun, but Rachel Bloom is not fully Hollywood-ready. Sorry, Rache, but you need better hair and makeup. The dress was pretty good (though an A-line probably would’ve been better since she’s also not quite Hollywood-skinny).

The Amazon sitcom Mozart in the Jungle, which I just heard of for the first time like two weeks ago, wins best sitcom. There are some weird choices tonight.

The president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has been trotted out to speak. I still don’t understand who HFPA is…

Oh, look is Mrs. Johnny Depp, Amber Heard. I’m finally starting to recognize her. I find her to be rather nondescript, like Connie Nielson (Gladiator) and Sienna Miller (American Sniper) before her.

Oscar Isaac (super pilot Poe in the new Star Wars) just won for some tv movie/miniseries. I like him. He’s cute. That’s all.

OMG I completely forgot about Harrison Ford and Callista Flockhart being a couple! But there they are, still together, Han Solo and Ally McBeal.

Why is Tom Ford presenting? He’s a designer.

Christian Slater just won an award. Thanks to Mr. Robot, he is no longer a tv curse. P.S. his wife is lovely (and looks very young).

Jamie Foxx just announced his daughter as Miss Golden Globe tonight. I remember when she made the awards circuit with him when he won for Ray twelve years ago. I thought it was so sweet that he brought his cute little 10-year-old to the Oscars. And now she’s all grown up and beautiful.

Eva Longoria and America Ferrera just did a very funny bit about how several Latina actresses have recently been randomly and unfortunately interchanged. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g32j52NRqd0

I want to like Amy Schumer more than I do. Like she’s okay and all, but I’m just not that into her. I'm not that into her bestie-lovefest with J.Law either.

Ooh, now here’s an Amy I do like: Amy Adams. Where has she been since American Hustle? I’ve missed her.

Matt Damon wins best actor in a comedy for The Martian. He is such a charmer. I love you, Will Hunting. He’ll always be Will Hunting to me.

Kate Hudson is presenting with her common-law stepdad Kurt Russell. Awww.

Seeing last year’s supporting Oscar winners Patricia Arquette and JK Simmons on stage reminds me that I still haven’t seen the movies for which they won (Boyhood and Whiplash, respectively). Damn.

My 80s/90s movie crush Sly Stallone just won supporting actor for Creed, and what a wonderful moment. He is so genuinely touched, and he received the most heartfelt standing ovation. Everyone seems sincerely happy for him. (Not so sweet sidenote: Sly is a little too tan.)

Okay, there are way too many nominated movies that I haven’t seen.  Steve Jobs, The Room, The Big Short. I’m stressing! Some of them aren’t even in theaters anymore!

Mozart in the Jungle wins again, this time for start Gael Garcia Bernal (tv comedy actor). I don’t wanna watch this show. Do I need to watch this show??? Last year, Transparent won best comedy and actor, this year Mozart. Why is HFPA sweating Amazon original programming? They just love shiny, new things.

Helen Mirren’s hourglass figure is a marvel. Her sleek blond bob is fabulous too.

Ricky Gervais: “When Brad and Angelina see the next two little adorable presenters, they’re gonna want to adopt them. Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong.” Ha, ha, ha. (It’s funny because they’re so short. And of course because they’re not white.)

I don’t know what kind of heels Gaga is wearing to accept her award, but she towers over Kevin and Ken. (IMDB says she’s 5’1”—how short are Kevin and Ken OR how tall are her shoes?!) Another shiny, new thing for HFPA.

Katy Perry is becoming unrecognizable. She changes her hair, and I have trouble recognizing her.

Wow, Sam Smith (who just won for the Spectre theme song) really did slim down.

Okay, Ricky just said something to Mel Gibson on-camera that had to be fully bleeped. I’m talking like a full sentence. I sure hope they have the direct quote online tomorrow. Can’t wait!

Sam Esmail, creator of Mr. Robot (best drama winner) is engaged to Emmy Rossum (Day After Tomorrow, Shameless). Interesting. 

Denzel receives the Lifetime Achievement Award. Great, revered actor. How is his hairline still that good at 61? Inquiring minds want to know. And get this—he’s been with his wife Pauletta for almost 40 years, married for 34 years. In Hollywood. That’s incredible. His speech leaves something to be desired. He forgot it or can't read it without his glasses or something. The result is underwhelming. Does Denzel have to be saying someone else's words in order to be interesting?

Ick, Chris Evans (Captain America) is sporting a beard again. Why would you cover up that jawline with a beard? The hair and the tux are flawless though.

Alejandro G. Innaritu directed Leo D’s new film The Revenant? Well that’s a strike for  me because he also directed Birdman, and I was distinctly not a fan of Birdman.

Kate Bosworth is presenting. She is so shiny (her face, her arms, her décolletage) and skinny.

Taraji P. Henson is a mess but in a fun way. In honor of her win as Cookie Lyons on “Empire,” she actually passed out cookies on her way up to the stage to accept. Classic.

Okay this is where the Globes’ credibility get shaky: the comedy/musical film category. The Oscars doesn’t do that. Tonight in the best actress – comedy category, Jennifer Lawrence wins for Joy (which was a decent but not great movie and only semi-funny), and Amy Schumer was also nominated for Trainwreck (funny movie, but was Amy a good actress in it???).

Jim Carrey (presenting best comedy/musical) is rocking a very full beard. I hope that’s for a role. He’s still funny though. (For the record, The Martian wins, and while it had some very funny moments, I’d hardly classify it as a comedy.)

Why is Katy Perry at the table front and center? She’s at the same table as Denzel and Jamie Foxx. Huh? Random pop star, not nominated for anything, seated with the Lifetime Achievement honoree and the father of the Miss Golden Globes. Hmm.

Oh crap, Brie Larson (Amy Schumer’s sister in Trainwreck) wins best actress – drama for Room. That movie definitely isn’t playing anywhere in my vicinity. Dammit. She’s nominated for SAG too.

Leo wins best actor – drama for The Revenant and gets a standing O…though I’m unclear as to why. Denzel got the O for his body of work over many decades. Sly got his because he’s never won an acting award in his life. But Leo has won Globes before—a couple years ago for Wolf of Wall Street most recently—so what’s the big deal? Is the industry deeply in love with this movie? HFPA clearly is.

The Revenant also wins best picture – drama. HFPA gives no love to Spotlight even though it’s won most of the critics’ awards. The Globes just confuse matters with their highly subjective choices.

One of the funniest moments for me was when Ricky introduced (and gave a backhanded apology to) Mel Gibson. Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhGGCCmbwvc

And Ricky Gervais’ closing words: “From myself and Mel Gibson, Shalom.” LMAO!

The Billboard Awards 2015

No time or energy for pics or any embellishments. Just quick and dirty commentary. Apologies for errors.

Instead of opening with a performance, they’re opening with the debut of Taylor Swift’s new video “Bad Blood.” The video features a ton of singers and actresses. I was able to pick out Ellie Goulding, Cara DeLevigne (sp?), Ellen Pompeo, Mariska Hargitay, Cindy Crawford and Lena Dunham, but there were glimpses of many others.

Ludacris and Chrissy Teigen (aka Mrs. John Legend) are hosting. How does Chrissy keep getting gigs? She’s also on Lip Sync Battle. Good for her, I guess.

Van Halen performing. Ah, the nostalgia.

One Direction wins. The remaining 4 members accept, and they graciously thank deserter Zayn too.

Why does Fallout Boy have dancers? Oh, their song borrows from that song in Pulp Fiction, and the dancers are all dressed like Uma Thurman’s character. Ok, gonna fast forward now.

Taylor Swift wins. Shocking. (Not.)

Megan Trainor and John Legend are duetting. It’s a nice song. I wonder if it’s on her cd. I might have to get her cd. She has lots of fun songs, and she sounds pretty good live.

Wow, Ellen Pompeo looks very young, fresh and pretty tonight!

Mariah Carey sounds decent singing her new song (at least I think it’s new because I don’t recognize it), but it’s just sad hearing her sing “Vision of Love.” Her voice isn’t what it used to be. Age is cruel to vocalists. This is gonna happen to Bruno someday, and that makes me want to cry!

Oh great, Wiz Khalifa is performing the song that stopped “Uptown Funk” from breaking the Billboard record for most weeks at number one. (Eye roll.) I admit I like the hook, sung by some new kid named Charlie Puth. I don’t care for Wiz’s rap at all though.

Celine! I wonder if she can still hit the power notes. She’s not performing, so we won’t get an answer tonight.

Poor Sam Smith can’t be there to accept his award or perform because of vocal surgery. It’s crazy that he and Adele had to go through this at such a young age. I hope it never happens to Bruno. (Everything comes back to Bruno and his precious, beautiful voice.)

People keep shouting out to Nicki Minaj, but they have yet to cut to her in the audience.

Hozier can’t hit the high note in his song. And he doesn’t have age to blame yet. Hmph.

John Legend wins Top Radio Song for the only song of his I truly love, “All of Me.” Aw, he thanked his wife Chrissy for inspiring him to write the song.

Everyone knows I’m not a country fan, but I’m kinda digging this song “Girl Crush” by Little Big Town and Faith Hill. Faith Hill looks and sounds terrific. She is working that short hair.

Gee, who will win Top Female Artist??? Taylor Swift, of course. That girl is a physical giant btw. Seriously, she’s like 5’10” before the heels.

Speaking of “girl crush,” (2 entries back), here’s mine: Jennifer Lopez. And look at her abs in that cutout in front of her dress. How does she get hotter and more beautiful as she gets older. It’s witchcraft or voodoo or something.

Chris Brown and Pitbull. Not interested.

I don’t really care for this particular Ed Sheeran song. Apparently it’s called “Bloodstream.” But he is putting his heart into it, and I admire the commitment.

Top Hot 100 song goes to Meghan Trainor for “All About That Bass.” Yay! T. Swift didn’t win one!

Britney and Iggy doing their new song. My bff Bridget warned me that Britney did some horrible lip synching on this performance, but I still wasn’t prepared for just how awful it is. Seriously, shouldn’t Britney be the best lip syncher in the business by now? She’s been doing it forever!

This Prince Royce kid is pretty cute. Ugh—Taylor just won another one. Apparently it’s a fan award, and the Swifties are a strong online fanbase, so Meghan and Iggy never had a chance. I mean, do their fans even have a name?!

David Guetta is back, this time with Nicki Minaj on lead. I don’t know this song, but Taylor and her girlfriends do. I know this because, like every award show, they insist on cutting to her dancing and singing along to every song in the front row. This has been going on for years. It really needs to stop.

OMG—The Breakfast Club was 30 years ago?!?! I’m so freakin’ old. They’re doing a little musical tribute. And the crowd is feeling it, particularly J. Lo. Ed Sheeran, on the other hand, seems bored. I don’t think he’s seen Breakfast Club. Simply Red probably hasn’t performed for a crowd like this in decades.

Oh good, Kelly Clarkson went with more of an A-line dress design this time. Much more flattering for her current figure. (She’s a yo-yoer and she recently had a baby so she’s a little thicker these days.) As always, she sounds great. Best thing to ever come out of American Idol.

Florida Georgia Line wins Top Country Artist. Really???

Imagine Dragons is singing “Stand By Me” in tribute to Ben E. King, who recently passed away. It’s pretty good. I’ve never seen them doing mellow, but it works. Ugh, Taylor is emphatically singing along in the audience. Just stop, Mr. Cameraman!

Top Artist goes to Taylor Freakin’ Swift. Why is she the only one surprised when she wins? For the rest of us, it’s a yawning, foregone conclusion.

Kylie and Kendall Jenner introduce their brother-in-law Kanye West. Wait—were people in the audience booing? Wow, lots of bleeping. Did the sound just go out? Nope, just lots of bleeping. I am not a Kanye fan, but the crowd is on their feet jammin’ out, bleeps and all. The way the stage is lit, one can’t even be sure that’s Kanye on stage. Could be anybody. LOL.

All in all, a pretty entertaining show. I watched more of it than I anticipated. “Uptown Funk” should figure prominently in next year’s broadcast. Can’t wait!

EMPIRE, Season 1 Finale, March 2015

Cookie sleeps with the Head of Security Malcolm (Derek Luke). When Lucious finds out, he kicks her out of the company but doesn’t fire Malcolm, who decides to quit anyway and asks Cookie to leave town with him. Cookie refuses to walk away from what she built at Empire.

Still angry with Lucious for paying off his cougar-love Camilla to leave town (he doesn’t know she didn’t take the money), Hakeem disses him in a rap at the press conference for the big concert and announces that he is going with Anika to Beretti’s label. Lucious punches him.

Lucious turns to Jamal for help on a new song, his swan song. Jamal helps him but refuses to perform at the concert without Cookie running it so Lucious asks her

back. Newly bonded with Dad, Jamal dangles Beretti over a balcony so he’ll sign over Lucious’ master recordings.  Lucious told Jamal he had to get those masters if he wants to take over Empire. At Beretti’s, Lucious finds Hakeem in bed with Anika (ex-fiancee)! They wanted to hurt him, which they did.

Turns out Lucious has MG (serious but treatable) rather than ALS, so he’s not dying. In a drug stupor, he confesses to killing Bunky.  Cookie overhears and starts to smother him but he wakes up and stops her.

Lucious tells the family that he’s not dying and apologizes for everything.  Hakeem gets a private jet, and Dre gets a well-funded foundation he can use for religious purposes. He names Jamal as the new head of Empire, pissing off everyone else. He also outs Cookie for trying to kill him, showing the video to Jamal. She tries to explain that Lucious killed Bunky, but Jamal doesn’t seem to be listening. They make up later though.

The feds want Cookie to help get Lucious for Bunky’s murder, but she refuses in spite of her anger.

Andre wants to quit Empire, having been passed over; he’s more interested in hanging out at church with Jennifer Hudson. His wife almost leaves him. Lucious makes J.Hud an offer she can’t refuse, and much to Dre’s dismay, she sells out. Later, Dre hooks up with Cookie, Hakeem and Anika to launch a takeover of Empire (Anika’s idea).

Lucious mends fences with Vernon (Malik Yoba), who then tries to placate Dre to keep him at Empire.  They fight, and Rhonda hits Vernon over the head defending Dre.  Vernon dies, they cover it up, and she reveals she is pregnant.

Empire starts public trading. Dre is there with his face all bruised; Lucious is wondering where Vernon is. At the big concert, Lucious is arrested for murder. He thinks Cookie rolled on him but she denies it.  It looks like it’s part of the hostile takeover. The takeover investor said they needed to catch Lucious in a scandal to sink the stock prices, so they could swoop in to buy it up cheap.

The feds are upset that Vernon is missing b/c he’s supposed to be their star witness. In the end, Lucious is behind bars, but is he in jail awaiting arraignment/trial? Or have we jumped forward in time, and he’s already serving a prison sentence? It looks like the takeover has gone through, and everyone is moving ahead with their lives. Dre and Rhonda have an ultrasound; Hakeem is recording with Anika; Jamal is running meetings at Empire; Cookie looks like she moved into the mansion. And Lucious vows revenge in a voiceover.

"Downton Abbey" Season Finale Recap - March 1, 2015

Dowager reunited the Russian prince and princess. The princess was mean and bitchy and not at all grateful. Dowager refused the prince’s romantic overture.  She later confessed to Cousin Isabelle that she was going to run away with the prince all those years ago, but the princess caught them, thereby saving the Dowager’s reputation. Dowager returned the favor by saving her in the present (from wherever she was), so they are even. Also, Isabelle broke it off with Lord Merton because she doesn’t want to come between him and his sons.

The rest of the family was out of town at a castle with Rose’s in-laws. Turns out Lord Sinderby (sp?) has a love child. The baby mama showed up at the castle and Rose, Mary and Lord Grantham rescued him from the potential scandal by pretending she was their guest. Thomas was responsible; he got Sinderby’s rude butler telling secrets while drunk in a plot to bring down the butler.

Mary met another potential love interest (played by Matthew Goode) at the castle. Edith may have met one too. Lord Grantham sweetly confronted Edith about Marigold being her child, as did Tom. Only Mary doesn’t know now. Lord Grantham has an ulcer, so he had to eat better and swear off alcohol through Christmas. Tom is moving to Boston with little Sybi after Christmas.

Bates confessed to killing whats-his-name, so Anna was released. Bates then went on the lam. Moseley and Baxter found the pub Bates was in during the murder and a witness, so his name was cleared. Anna may be rearrested, but for now Bates is back home and they can spend Christmas together. Carson bought the cottage and slapped Mrs. Hughes’ name on  the deed without her permission (she can’t afford it because all of her extra money goes to caring for her mentally-challenged sister). And out of nowhere, Carson proposes to Hughes, who readily accepts. Awwww.

How to Get Away with Murder Season Finale Recap, Feb. 2015

I've been doing season finale recaps for awhile now, mostly for my personal use. It's not easy keeping up with the happenings on as many shows as I watch, especially after a long hiatus. It occurs to me that they'd be safer posted here rather than only existing on my hard drive. So I'll post them here, and then post a link on Facebook to the respective recaps just before the new season starts in the fall. Up first:  

How to Get Away with Murder – Annalise had Nate (cop boyfriend) beaten up in prison to push for parole, but the judge was punishing him for making the police force look bad. Bonnie & Frank took pics of Millstone talking to the judge, creating a conflict of interest for Nate’s attorney to exploit.  The judge recused herself and Nate was released on bail (really badly beaten). Annalise also told the prosecutor that Nate and Sam had an altercation, providing an explanation for why his prints would be on Sam’s ring. At the end, Nate finally called the number Annalise gave him (for new lawyer?).

Bonnie and Millstone are a couple now, and Frank knows. Millstone suspected he may have been used to get rid of the judge on Nate’s case, but Bonnie said it was just coincidence that she was involved in that case too. The prosecutor on Nate’s case showed up at Millstone’s door to talk about Annalise. Uh oh.

Thinking Rebecca killed Lila, the gang kidnapped her when she wouldn’t talk about that night. Also, she located the cop who saw Connor’s car at the Keating house the night of Sam’s murder and threatens to call him. The gang brings Annalise, Frank and Bonnie in on the kidnapping, taking Rebecca to Annalise’s house where they unsuccessfully “put her on trial.” She manages to send a text saying “Eggs 911, lawyer’s house.” What does it mean? Eventually she tells Wes what happened.

Turns out Rebecca and Lila were good friends until Lila broke it off with her, blaming Rebecca for her bad choice to cheat on Griffin with Darcy. Rebecca seduced Griffin to prove to Lila that he’s not worth it, further enraging Lila. Sam met Lila on the sorority house roof and told her he was going to leave Annalise for her, and then called someone to “do what we talked about—you owe me.” Cut to Frank strangling Lila and dumping her into the water tank! Why did he owe Sam?

Rebecca found Lila in the water tank and hid in there when others came to the roof, afraid she’d be accused. She went home soaking wet, was spotted by her neighbor Rudy (who knew a lot about her relationship with Lila), and proceeded to get him high on some dangerous drugs that caused him to lose his mind. Then she called the cops to take him away to the loony bin (where Wes and Laurel later found him).

Back to present day kidnapping: Rebecca escapes from the basement, and Annalise wants to know who did it; no one confesses. Annalise tells Wes, who feels guilty about the whole situation, to ease his mind by just believing Sam did it (which it turns out is partly true). Then we see Annalise and Frank standing over Rebecca’s dead body in the basement. Frank says he didn’t do it; he thought Annalise did. But whoever did it must realize Annalise is lying about the escape because the killer knows she’s actually dead, right?

Other random bits: When Laurel suggests that Frank will “take care of” Rebecca, he gets all offended that she just thinks he’s a hitman (but he did take out Lila at Sam’s behest). Laurel returns Mikayla’s ring. She found it in Connor’s car, but she figured Mikayla would stay quiet as long as she was afraid of her ring being found. Mikayla refuses her ex-fiance Aidan’s mom’s invitation to reach out to him. Mom realizes her boy is gay/bi and wants to lock him down with a wife. Connor’s hacker boyfriend Oliver insisted they both get tested for STD’s before re-establishing sexual relations. Oliver tested positive; Connor is still waiting for results. Hope he wrapped it up when he and Ollie had sex.

Here’s a backup link to ew’s recap: http://www.ew.com/recap/how-to-get-away-with-murder-season-1-finale

THE OSCARS 2015

PRE-OSCAR RED CARPET

 

What is Adam Levine doing at the Oscars? The man is seriously everywhere.

 

Dakota Johnson is an odd-looking chick. Melanie Griffith’s and Don Johnson’s genes mixed weird. I think she’s better blond.

Why is Kevin Hart there? Margot Robbie? Andy Samberg? Where are the freakin’ movie stars?! I know it’s early, but can someone of import please show up. Margot Robbie may become the next Halle Berry/Charlize Theron/Salma Hayek/Penelope Cruz—beautiful fashion-plate who’s famous and red-carpet ready just for being hot until she eventually gets real Oscar accolades.

Tim McGraw is performing tonight, and he is unrecognizable on the red carpet in a tux and no hat. I was like, “who’s that guy with Faith Hill?” 

Oh, Adam Levine is singing “Lost Stars” from the movie “Begin Again.” I love that song so much! I hope Keira Knightly duets with him. They both sing terrific versions of the song in the film. 

Zoe Saldana, another pretty face competing with Margot Robbie for the hot-girl-on-the-red-carpet crown. Perhaps she too will someday be more than just a pretty face. 

Ugh, Rita Ora is there? Why? She just chaps my ass because I know she had a fling (or dalliance?) with my beloved Bruno. So lucky. Clearly I have to hate her forever. 

Lots of cream and white on the red carpet tonight (Kerry Washington, Lupita N’yongo, Julianne Moore). 

It’s raining in LA. I thought that wasn’t supposed to happen. Like ever. Remember that song by Tony!Toni!Tone!, “It Never Rains in Southern California.”

Nicole Kidman’s face is ridiculous. It’s frozen in time. Not in a beautiful, ageless way, but in a plastic, mannequin way. Not good.

 

Emma Stone looks like a lean, sparkly piece of lettuce.

 

ScarJo and her impossibly tiny waist are back in full effect. I didn’t realize she’d had her baby. 

Rosamund Pike has a snobbish British accent.  I’m sure she’s perfectly charming, but her snooty accent belies that.

THE OSCARS CEREMONY

I don’t think Clint Eastwood got the Kanye West joke (aimed at him?) during the opening song.

Thanks to  his well-placed photobomb during Ellen’s awesome group selfie from last year’s Oscars, I now recognize Lupita Nyongo’s brother in the front row. Welcome back little brother. And since Jack Black is doing a bit in the opening song from Lupita’s seat, she must be backstage waiting to present…

Best Supporting Actor. JK Simmonds (aka Vern Shillinger from the groundbreaking, flagship HBO drama Oz) wins. No surprise. He’s won every award this season. I still haven’t seen Whiplash, but it’s on my list.

It’s weird to hear Liam Neeson’s Irish accent. I’m used to his American-accented menacing whisper. He has a very specific set of skills, after all.

Who thought it was a good idea to pair Grand Budapest Hotel and American Sniper for the Best Picture snippets? Awkward…

Adam is singing “Lost Stars.” I love this song so much! He’s doing a pretty good job, not perfect though. (Bruno has given me unrealistic expectations for musical performances. Not everyone can be as perfect as he is.)

How the hell did Grand Budapest beat out Maleficent and Into the Woods for costume design? Really?!

And then Grand Budapest beats out Guardians of the Galaxy for makeup. Again, really?! Zoe Saldana was nothing but makeup. The fix is in.

Channing Tatum (presenter this year, part of dance number last year or year before) is becoming a regular fixture at the Oscars.

Isn’t Keith Urban freaked out by Nicole Kidman’s face? I can’t imagine seeing it up close. (shudder)

Shirley Maclaine is one sparkly old broad. She’s rocking a sequined black pantsuit. 

I was told by a few people that the “Everything Is Awesome” performance was terrible. Having now seen about 8 seconds of it, I concur. Moving on.

The chick who won for documentary short has Angela Bassett arms circa What’s Love Got to Do with It? Girlfriend clearly lifts.

Gwyneth Paltrow is rocking pink, the same color she wore when she won her statue over a decade ago (for Shakespeare in Love). 

Unrecognizable Tim McGraw is back, slightly more recognizable now that he’s found a hat. I think he’s slimmed down though too, and that adds to the confusion. He’s performing a Glenn Campbell song from a documentary film. I didn’t realize Glenn has Alzheimer’s, so he can’t be there tonight.

As much as I didn’t like Birdman, I wouldn’t have understood NPH’s underwear bit if I hadn’t seen the film. So there’s that.

 

Best Supporting Actress goes to Patricia Arquette for Boyhood, as expected. Unlike most women in Hollywood, Patricia is keeping it real in terms of body size. She looks like a normal middle-aged woman. Good for her. She also took this opportunity to demand equal pay for women, which drew big responses from Meryl & J.Lo.

JLo’s poofy dress doesn’t fit in her seat. Part of is lovingly draped over her manager Benny Medina to her left and Meryl Streep’s seat filler to her right. She also looks terribly underwhelmed by Rita Ora’s song performance. Can’t blame her, but as I mentioned before, I have a personal vendetta against Miss Rita.

Ugh, Grand Budapest wins best production design too. Apparently this is one good-looking movie. I’ve seen a couple of Wes Anderson movies, and I just didn’t get them so I gave up on him. Maybe I’ll have to check this one out.

Birdman wins Best Cinematography. I can see that. The (weird) film was shot in a very interesting way. I think scenes were shot with a single edit (or would it be no edit?). The camera just keeps moving—down hallways, into other rooms, following actors as they move instead of cutting away.

National treasure Meryl Streep takes the stage. (Figuratively) all bow down. She’s presenting the In Memoriam segment. And Jennifer Hudson is doing a musical tribute.

Random former winners and nominees in attendance: Octavia Spencer, Eddie Murphy, Ben Affleck

Jennifer Aniston’s dress is fierce. It fits her perfectly, and she looks amazing. Eat your heart out, Oscar. (She was a shoo-in for a nomination this year, but outta nowhere Marion Cotillard took Jen’s intended slot.)

Aw, tears from David Oyelowo and Chris Pine after the performance of the song “Glory” from Selma.

John Travolta’s face. SMH

“Glory” wins Best Original Song, but Common and John Legend are not named as the winners. They are the ones accepting the award though. I’m gonna have to look up how this award works because I’m confused. 

I love to see people expressing shock over Lady Gaga’s beautiful voice during The Sound of Music 50th-anniversary tribute on social media. I’ve been telling people for years that she is an AMAZING vocalist once you get past the costumes, props and outlandishness. I freely admit she’s strange, and I wasn’t a fan of that last album, but I adore her voice. 

Birdman wins Best Original Screenplay; The Imitation Game wins Best Adapted Screenplay. Hurrah for the latter; boo for the former. And The Imitation Game writer gave a quick but effective and very personal “It gets better” acceptance speech.

Birdman wins Best Director. A sweep is starting. I don’t want it to win Best Picture or Best Actor, but it’s not looking good (for me, that is—it’s looking very good for the film). This guy gives pretty funny speeches though.

Eddie Redmayne wins Best Actor for The Theory of Everything!!! Michael Keaton does not! I am beyond thrilled. I cried out loud, “Yes! Yes!” and threw my hands up in the air…and waved ‘em like I just don’t care. I really enjoyed his movie, and I really like him. Better luck next time Batman/Birdman. (Who are we kidding? This is probably Keaton’s last dance.)

Dear Matthew McConaughey, get rid of that f***ing, nasty beard already. Sincerely, the women of the world. 

 

 

Julianne Moore finally wins her Oscar (for Still Alice). Love her. Just saw the film today. So sad. I was kind of relieved to learn it wasn’t based on a true story.  But of course the sad part is that it is based on lot of true stories, I imagine, because there are plenty of people out there coping with Alzheimers (early-onset or otherwise). 

Drumroll…Birdman wins Best Picture. I just don’t get it. That movie was so weird. I knew it was a frontrunner, and that’s why I went out of my way to see it. So I saw the winning film, but it did not make me happy.

And the curtain falls on another awards season. I still plan to see Whiplash, Boyhood and Selma. I was a lazy Oscarphile this season. I might check out Grand Budapest too. I haven’t seen a Wes Anderson film in years. Maybe I can embrace one now. Or will it be another Birdman? Until we meet again, so long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodbye, adieu, adieu to ya and ya and ya. Goodbyyyyeeeee…

Grammys 2015

THE GRAMMYS

Yes, AC/DC is opening! JK—I’m so not a heavy metal fan. The only reason I’m not fast forwarding right now is because I’m typing this. But I know a lotta rock fans are loving it. It’s pretty funny that Angus (is that his name?) is rocking his schoolboy outfit at his advanced age. LOL. The lead singer still sounds pretty good, huh? As rock guys go.

Are Katy Perry and John Mayer officially over? I can’t keep up. They’re both at the awards but not together.

No Bruno tonight. He’s been at the last four shows in some capacity (performing thrice and presenting last year). I miss him.

Um, I’ve barely heard of some of these Best New Artist nominees. Haim? (Any relation to Corey?) Brandy Clark (country, so it’s understandable that I don’t know her.)  And Sam Smith wins. I can accept that. I love his voice, and I like his accent. Unlike that cockney wench Adele. (Sorry, I still resent her.)

Hey, I can actually understand what Ariana Grande is singing tonight. She has a very good voice, but I often can’t make out the words when she performs live. Retraction: I spoke too soon, she just did some weird mellisma thing, and I have no idea what she sang. Enunciate, girl.

Jessie J and Tom Jones are singing “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” in tribute to the songwriters (not The Righteous Brothers, btw). Jessie is wearing another ugly dress. Nothing awkward about a hot, young girl singing a love song with a white-haired old man. Consider it a precursor to Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett doing the exact same thing later tonight.

Pharrell wins Best Pop Solo Performance. He’s wearing walking shorts with a jacket and bowtie. He’s a quirky fella. And his wife is wearing a hideous unitard that looks like she should be in front of a green screen. She doesn’t have the shape to pull it off.

Miranda Lambert is performing in all leather. Cute as a button, but I don’t do country. Fast-forward.

Sam Smith wins again, this time for Best Pop Vocal Album. He seems like a sweet guy.

Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj intro the queen, Madonna. I like this new song! It’s reminiscent of “Like a Prayer,” what with the chanting and the soulful choir backup. I mean that as a compliment. And Madge is still a great performer—not a great singer but a great performer.  Her 56-year-old body is insane! And the moves she can still do at that age. With my wonky knees, I can’t do what she does, and I’m more than a decade younger! I’m ready for the album, ready for the tour. And I will NOT leave early this time no matter how late it runs.

Oh goody—Taylor Swift is dancing to Madonna in the front row. Ugh. So over her “jamming” at awards shows.  And always in the front freakin’ row. We get it—you love music. Whatevs.

Beck just won an award. Haven’t seen him in awhile.

I’m reminded that I’m really a pop girl, not an R&B girl. I hardly know any of the nominated songs in that category. But Beyonce won, and I know her!

Ed Sheeran is up next. I like his music, but I haven’t taken the plunge and bought any of it yet. I’m almost there. I need some new stuff. Whiny white boys aren’t usually my thing (I’m looking at you, Dave Matthews and John Mayer), but Ed is very slowly winning me over. Fellow whiner John Mayer is actually singing with him. LOL. And for the record, I absolutely adore whiny white girls (Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, Dido) just not boys.

What? No camera shots of Katy Perry while John Mayer is up on stage? C’mon.

I just had a terrifying thought. This Ed Sheeran song, “Thinking Out Loud,” is holding at #2 on the charts. This performance could give it a serious push, and it might oust my beloved Bruno from the #1 spot. Then I might have to resent Ed.

ELO is performing? What a blast from the past. And Paul McCartney is out of his seat and loving it…until he noticed the camera lingering on him and promptly sat down. Poor Paul. I actually recognize these ELO songs. Who knew?!

Now Nicole Kidman is standing (pretty much alone). She’s not blocking anyone with her 5’9” frame plus 4” heels. Respectful to ELO but not to the folks behind her.

This Maroon 5 song is nice. Does it need Gwen? Probably not. Girlfriend is not a great singer, so I’m not sure she’s adding much. Loving the strings/orchestra though.

Not sure how I feel about Annie Lennox joining Hozier for “Take Me to Church.” She sounds pretty good though, especially when she takes the lead on “I Put a Spell on You.”

Some dude called “The Weekend” is introducing Pharrell, who is doing some weird performance piece. Okay, it was just a weird intro to “Happy.” Not my favorite performance of the song though.

Not sure what’s happening now. There was a pre-recorded message from Obama about violence against women. Then a monologue/spoken-word piece from a woman I didn’t recognize. Then a somber tune from Katy Perry. Things just got heavy outta nowhere. As much as I’m not a Katy fan, I have to say she sounded pretty good here. I still fast-forwarded over most of her though because as I said, not a fan.

This Imagine Dragons live performance of their new song (I guess?) is pretty good, but I don’t know if it’s simulcast (they mentioned Vegas) or a long commercial or what. There’s a Target logo in the bottom right corner. So confused…

I love Gaga’s voice, but I don’t love old standards, so I find this whole Tony Bennett-collab (the song, the album, the tour) thoroughly unappealing. Fast-forward…The sooner I catch up to live tv, the sooner I get to watch “The Walking Dead”!!!

Usher is singing some boring Stevie Wonder song that I’m not even familiar with (and I know and like my fair share of Stevie songs). But he’s a cutie, and he is working that suit. Still, fast-forward…Oh wait—Stevie came out to join him on harmonica, but he didn’t join in singing. I wonder if something is wrong that’s keeping him from singing tonight.

Country segment. I recognize Dwight Yoakam but no one else. I think they’re new artists. And no I’m not gonna rewind to find out who they are. The girl with Dwight looks like the Best New Artist nominee though.

Rihanna, Kanye and Paul McCartney doing their new song. And Rihanna sounds good! I think the Grammys bring out the best in her vocally. Her performance of “Stay” a couple years back was the best I’ve ever heard her. And the Bob Marley tribute with Bruno, Sting and the Marleys was very good as well. I think it’s a matter of staying within her range, and not reaching for high notes. Can’t  hear Paul though. Why is he even there if we can’t hear him? 

OMG, OMG! They just said Prince, the Prince, is presenting best album. I’m stunned and thrilled!

Why is Taylor Swift on stage again? This time she’s introducing Sam Smith, who has thankfully changed out of that red suit. I’m happy for his success. The vocals started off a little rocky. Don’t let the nerves get the best of you, Sam. His bud Mary J Blige is joining him. I learned on the AMA’s that he wrote a song for her, so I actually understand this pairing. He sounded better after the beginning, and Mary gave a lovely, understated (for her) vocal. 

PRINCE!!!! He’s still rocking the cane like the pimp daddy that he is. And the crowd goes wild (just like they did at the Golden Globes). I’m not the only one who gets excited when that little guy is around. Beck wins Best Album btw (as if I care who won—Prince is on the stage, people. Nothing else matters.) But it’s funny that Beck beat out four commercially successful albums to take the prize.

Okay, that was funny when Kanye ran up there. When I saw that Beck beat Beyonce, I was like "I hope we don't have another Kanye moment," and then there he was. LOL. Good to see him laugh at himself for once though.

What is Shia LeBeouf rambling on about? He’s speaking for Sia? Like the Native American who spoke for Marlon Brando back in the 70s at the Oscars? WTH? Sia is a weirdo. And it’s funny that she had fellow weirdo Shia read her thoughts to the world. It’s also funny that her name is Sia and his is Shia. Ha! Beautiful voice though. “Chandelier” is a killer song.

Like its singer, the “Chandelier” performance is equally weird. That Maddie girl from “Dance Moms” is whirling around again with…Kristen Wiig? Kinda recreating the SNL skit? And Sia is in the corner with her back to the audience. She really hates being seen. Like I said, weirdo.

Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” wins Best Song (awarded to songwriter). I love that song, but “Chandelier” was robbed!

Stevie Wonder (presenting Record of the Year with Jamie Foxx). Um, Stevie, your hairline has receded halfway on your head and yet you are still rocking long braids in the back. It’s kinda silly. Someone should tell him.

And Sam Smith wins again. He’s this year’s Adele, fitting since he’s so often compared to her. Cue the picture of him cradling his 4 trophies. Adorable that he thanked the guy who broke his heart and inspired this award-winning song (also very Adele).

Another somber moment as Beyonce sings a churchy song. It’s in response to all the racial unrest going on now.

And Bey introduces one last message song, the theme from the movie “Selma” by Common and John Legend.

Lots of choirs and orchestras tonight. Not a lot of rumpshaking. Wait—didn’t I have this same complaint about the Golden Globes, sorta? That show had a lot of serious moments, too. And mostly ballads tonight. Were there any upbeat songs besides “Happy”? Maybe Madonna. People will complain and diss the show, but I always enjoy the Grammys, even when my faves aren’t nominated. As long as I know most of the folks performing and they do a solid job (or keep it interesting in some way), I’m good. The fast-forward button my remote helps a great deal too.

See you in two weeks for the granddaddy of them all—the Oscars!