Oscars 2017

THE WINNERS!

Why is that young girl with Mel Gibson? He’s 60 (though frankly he looks older); she’s 26ish. She’s younger than six of his children. And she just gave birth to his ninth child five weeks ago. Gee, I wonder what she sees in him. My guess is $$$. 

What is Leslie Mann smuggling under those layers? Looks like it should be Belle’s dress from Beauty and the Beast. Tale as old as time, song as old as wine...

Did Michelle Williams bring her Dawson’s Creek bestie Busy Phillips? Yes, she did. I think it’s so cute that their friendship, borne a decade ago on a WB tv show, is still so strong. Busy has been at Michelle’s side for years on the awards circuit.

Nude/gold dresses trend: Emma Stone, Nicole Kidman. While I do not love Emma Stone, I do love her fab fringes. I also love Kidman’s dress. Jessica Biel’s gold gown is hideous.

Justin Timberlake opens with a rousing, crowd-pleasing rendition of “Can’t Stop the Feeling.” Sadly this will be the highlight of the show for me. It’s all downhill from here. Check it out here: http://oscar.go.com/video/oscar-highlights-2017/justin-timberlakes-oscar-performance

Thumbs up to Jimmy Kimmel’s opening monologue. Favorite line: This year in film, black people saved NASA (Hidden Figures) and white people saved jazz (La La Land).

Alicia Vikander (love her!), last year’s Best Supporting Actress, presents Best Supporting Actor to…Mahershala Ali (Moonlight), looking like a young Lou Gossett, Jr. I’ve liked him ever since the USA show “The 4400.” He seems like a real genuine dude.

Alicia Vikander

Best Makeup & Hairstyling goes to Suicide Squad.

Best Costume goes to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

The cast of Hidden Figures. Taraji (center) looks fierce. Octavia (right) does plus-size so right. Janelle is adorable, but her dress is a bit much (left).

The 16-year-old from Moana sang beautifully. Such poise and composure in front of a massive international audience. Impressive.

Ellen brought pizza, Chris Rock brought Girl Scout cookies, and Jimmy Kimmel…dropped little bags of candy from the ceiling Hunger-Games-arena-style.

Arrival (aka the most boring movie about aliens ever made) wins Best Sound Editing.

Hacksaw Ridge wins Sound Mixing. The lead mixer, Kevin O’Connell, has been nominated 20 times before without a win, but tonight was his night. Finally!

Best Supporting Actress, as expected, goes to Viola Davis (Fences), radiant in red. Her strategy to push herself in the supporting category rather than the lead category worked. No one else stood a chance this year.

Best Foreign Language Film (if anyone cares—I don’t): The Salesman, and Iranian movie. Oh wait—I do care because of the back story. The Iranian director was initially worried that he wouldn’t be able to attend the Oscars because of the Muslim ban. Once that was cleared up, he made a conscious decision not to attend in protest. The woman who accepted on his behalf read a statement from him explaining his position.

Dakota Johnson’s (50 Shades of Gray) dress is awful. Seriously looks like you could stick a curtain rod through the shoulder area and hang it up as draperty. Like Carol Burnett could have worn it in a skit on her variety show. (RIP Carol.) Ugh.

Best Production Design: freakin’ La La Land (I’m not a fan.)

They just brought a busload of tourists into the ceremony. These morons somehow had no idea they were walking into the Oscar ceremony. Seriously? They are clearly not movie fans. I’ve had this on my calendar since like November. If you don’t even realize the Oscars are happening today, you are NOT a movie fan.

Best Visual Effects: The Jungle Book

Why is Chris Messina (“The Mindy Project”) at the Oscars? And for that matter, why is Gael Garcia Bernal?

Best Film Editing: Hacksaw Ridge

Jimmy Kimmel just tweeted Donald Trump since Trump hadn’t tweeted about the Oscars.

Best Cinematography: freakin’ La La Land

A special Oscars edition of Kimmel’s Mean Tweets. Hilarious! Check it out here: http://oscar.go.com/video/oscar-highlights-2017/watch-mean-tweets-2017-oscars-edition

Best Score: freakin’ La La Land

Original Song: freakin’ La La Land

Back to real awards--Original Screenplay (presented by former screenplay winners Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, still feuding with Kimmel, who had the band “play him off” while presenting the nominees) goes to Kenneth Lonergan for Manchester By the Sea. Matt Damon is largely responsible for bringing the movie to the screen.

Adapted Screenplay: Moonlight. I’m not sure what it’s adapted from. Didn’t think it was a book…

Halle Berry, as always, is beautiful. Her hair, on the other hand…Bride of Frankenstein or finger-in-a-socket. Take your pick. A less attractive woman could not get away with that. And I’m not dissing her natural hair. After all, I’m sitting here rocking a fro myself, but Halle’s 'do  isn’t all that natural. It’s the product of some serious curling iron action—hence the big, stiff curls. It’s just way too Whitney Houston circa late 80s, a look that was best left 30 years in the past.

Best Director: freakin’ La La Land

We still have the last 3 big awards, and we’re already 25 minutes into overtime. Why do they even bother scheduling this thing for just 3 hours?

Best Actor: Casey Affleck (Manchester by the Sea). Denzel does not look pleased. I only recently became aware of the controversy surrounding Casey’s nomination and now win. The stink of a sexual harassment claim against him (settled out of court) is still fresh with some of the acting community.

Best Actress: Emma Stone for freakin’ La La Land. (Eye roll.)

Best Picture: freakin’, frakkin’ La La Land. Wait—HOLD THE PHONE—Old man Warren Beatty and old lady Faye Dunaway read the wrong winner. It’s Steve Harvey and the Miss America (or was it Universe?) pageant—except wayyyyyy bigger—all over again! Moonlight is the actual winner of Best Picture. OMG! Warren and Faye somehow had the wrong envelope (a duplicate of Emma’s best actress envelope). La La was up there gushing about their win, and BAM—you didn’t win. They very graciously handed the award over to its rightful team from Moonlight. Wow. This one is going down in the history books. Check it out here: 
http://oscar.go.com/video/oscar-highlights-2017/after-mistaken-announcement-moonlight-named-best-picture