Golden Globes 2014: Reflections

 

RED CARPET

 First up on the red carpet, Zooey Deschanel.  Just when I was all set to fast forward over her, Ryan (Seacrest) asked about Prince’s upcoming guest spot on the post-Superbowl ep of New Girl. You have my attention now, Ms. Deschanel.

“Girls” Lena Dunham looks a little better than usual, but her dress is a little too form-fitting for a less-than-fit form, if you get my drift.  Nothing wrong with being chunky, but dress for you body, girl.  And the huge, hideous arm tattoo…ugh.  That's her in the yellow.

 People show up so early these days!  I remember when you couldn’t hope to see anyone you remotely cared about for at least 30 minutes into a red carpet broadcast. 

30 minutes in, and I’ve already noticed 3 ladies wearing nude dresses, so I guess that’s a trend tonight.  I’m sure Joan Rivers and her crew will confirm this on E!’s Fashion Police tomorrow night.  (Yes, of course I always watch the fashion review of the red carpet. Duh. I’m very thorough in my awards viewing.  Pre-shows, post-shows, fashion reviews.  I’m committed.  Or maybe I should be committed.  Tomato, To-mah-toe.  Shrug.)

Lot of red shades of dress coming down the carpet too.

Kerry Washington looks terrific all dressed up and preggers.  (and wearing a nude color btw)

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone truly hideous yet.  I must be forgetting someone…

Aw, it’s an “Aviator” reunion—Cate Blanchett and Leo DiCaprio.  I’m reminded that I never got around to seeing that movie.

Oh good—Bradley Cooper looks like Bradley Cooper again.  No more American Hustle perm.  But he’s overbaked (too tan).

Ooh, the fashion police is gonna get you, Emma Watson, for wearing pants to a formal event. And they don’t look like formal pants. But she’s cute as a button, as always.

Melissa McCarthy’s dress is better than usual, I guess, but still nothing to write home about.

Matthew McConaughey is looking pretty good.  Makes me wonder if he’s wearing makeup b/c he’s always been a good-looking guy, but his age has been showing lately.  

How has Sofia Vergara been allowed to hold onto that thick Colombian accent all these years in Hollywood?  I can’t believe no one made her take elocution lessons or whatever kind of speech training they do to drop accents.  She’d be so much more marketable if she could act with or without the accent. It’s limiting. “Modern Family” can’t run forever.

So many pregnant ladies on the red carpet tonight:  Drew Barrymore, Olivia Wilde, Kerry Washington.  They can have their own segment on Fashion Police.  Kerry looked fab; Olivia looked good too; Drew not so much.  Her dress is too busy for any woman, and doubly so for a woman sporting a bump.  (Fun Fact: Olivia Wilde’s birth name was Olivia Cockburn, so you can see why she changed that.)

Julia Roberts looks like she’s wearing a strapless gown…over a white collared, button-down shirt.  Kinda weird. 

Sandra Bullock has no boobs.  Just an observation.  Actually I guess it’s not much of an observation.  Good for her, not having implants. (see below)

Jennifer Lawrence is fangirling over Taylor Swift.  TS kinda annoys me, so I’m not all that enthused.  JLaw's new pixie ’do is adorable.

OMG—Jennifer Lawrence just dropped a piece of her expensive, borrowed jewelry!  DO NOT lose the jewelry, girl!

Ick—Chris Pine (new Star Trek movies, new Jack Ryan) has a beard.  I hope that’s for a role and not for real.

It is amazing how all these women in their 40’s and beyond maintain their svelte figures.  They must be miserable and hungry all the time.  B/c you know their metabolism has slowed down and fat just wants to settle into undesirable areas.  (I know of which I speak, lemme tell ya.)

Zoe Saldana seems really sweet.  I don’t know why this is surprising to me.

During the Globes Arrival Show they just flashed Melissa McCarthy’s name over a shot of Matthew McConaughey.  Ha ha ha!  Same initials, both last names start with Mc-.  Just a McStake (you see what I did there?).

THE SHOW

I love how hosts Tina and Amy get the bigshots in the audience participate in their comic bits.

Let's check out some of Tina's best jokes.  (Sorry, Amy, I love you, but Tina was funnier.)

Tina:  “Gravity,” is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more moment with a woman his own age.  Priceless! 

Tina:  For [Matthew McConaughey’s] role in “Dallas Buyers Club,” he lost 45 lbs, or as actresses call it “being in a movie.” 

Tina:  We’re gonna get this show done in 3 hours, or as Martin Scorcese likes to call it, “Act 1.”

Apparently “Wolf of Wall Street” used the f-word 506 times.  Holy f***!

Having now seen the bottom of Sandra Bullock’s dress, I no longer notice her lack of boobage.  Only the ugliness of her dress.

I will always hate that the Globes just lop all the tv supporting actors/actresses—comedy, drama and miniseries—into one category.  These people should not be up against each other.  Does it cost them something to have separate categories?  Puhleeze.

Jacqueline Bisset just gave a horrible, rambling speech. It had a few good moments, but overall it was a mess.  They’re trying to play her off, and she’s still talking.  If the recipient is saying something worthwhile, this is endearing.  In this instance, it is not endearing.  Sit down and shut up. 

How is this only Elisabeth Moss’ 2^nd nomination?  The Globes haven’t been nominating her for “Mad Men”?  Only once apparently.  Booooo!

See and now they’re trying to play off Elisabeth Moss, and I’m pissed.  It’s absurd that this is only her 2^nd nod to begin with.  So orchestra, you can shut up this time and let her finish!

Paula Patton (aka Mrs. Robin Thicke) is beautiful.  But her blush is a little heavy, and that gigantic ruffle weaving its way down the left side of her body (shoulder to knee) is also excessive.

I wonder if Bryan Cranston (“Breaking Bad”) will miss shaving his head now that the show is over?

The tv people are forced to sit in the back of the room like second-class citizens, while all the movie stars are up front.  Consequently, it takes forever for them to get up to the podium.

Joaquin Phoenix has a beard and a ponytail.  Because just one of those wasn’t enough.

Jon Voight just won.  Good thing this is an off-year for Brangelina so as to avoid tension.  Jon and Angie’s relationship seem to run very hot and cold.

Amongst the nominees for Best Actress in a tv drama, we have the woman from “Orphan Black,” the woman from “Orange is the New Black,” and from “Scandal” Kerry Washington, who happens to be black.  (If you say it with the right intonation, it works.)

None of the “Black/black” nominees won; Robin Wright did.  And kudos to 47-year-old Robin Wright (the former Mrs. Sean Penn), who also recently announced her engagement to 33-year-old Ben Foster.  He’s not very attractive, but he is a good actor and he’s 14 years her junior, so there’s that.  And he gets to marry the Princess Bride.  Everybody wins.

 

 

Presenter Jim Carrey is still funny even if he doesn’t make great movies anymore.  (Does he?)

So much, nay too much, facial hair on the men in the room.

Like Joaquin, Jared Leto is sporting a beard and a ponytail.  Unlike Joaquin, it works for him.  He’s a rock star after all (lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars).  Plus he’s always way more attractive than Joaquin. 

Whoa—Colin Farrell is all spiffed up and looking fine.

They are trying to play everyone off.  So rude!  Like it’s the end of the world if an awards show runs over a little.  We kind of expect it. 

Awards I just can’t bring myself to care about:  best foreign film and animated film.  I don’t watch ‘em, so I don’t care about their awards.  Sorry.

Daenarys (sp?) aka Khaleesi from "Game of Thrones" is unrecognizable as a brunette.  Every time I see her, I’m like “who’s that?”

What is up with Rob Lowe’s hair?  The sides (and maybe back) are cut very close, and it’s still full on top, kinda spiked upward.  It’s weird, but it makes him look younger.  And he was already looking pretty good.

The Cecil B. DeMille award is going to Woody Allen.  Oy.  I’m not a fan, which is actually great b/c I can fast-forward over some of this.  It’s always such a long segment.

Oh look—Diane Keaton is wearing a suit and tie.  Shocking.

Why isn’t Woody there to accept this award?  Crap.  They probably explained it, but I fast forwarded.  Oh, well, I’m sure I’ll read about it tomorrow.

Double crap.  I’ve caught up to live tv.  Unacceptable. 

It’s always amusing when the Globes shower attention on shows/movies/performances that really aren’t getting recognition elsewhere.  This year it’s the film “Wolf of Wall Street” & star Leo DiCaprio and tv show “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” & its star Andy Samberg.  The Hollywood Foreign Press (whoever the heck they are) sometimes have weird taste, and it makes it hard to take them seriously.  I don’t even lend much credence to winning a GG anymore.  A critics choice award or a SAG award has more prestige and serves as a better indicator of Oscar success.  Just sayin’.  And while “Wolf” has some critics love, it has no SAG nominations.  We’ll see what Oscar says later this week when their noms come out.

Aw, it’s another “Aviator” reunion as Leo presents Cate Blanchett’s award.  Her speech was smart and funny, just like Cate.  Love her.

Matthew McConaughey started his speech with the immortal words, “All right, all right, all right.”  No, seriously—that’s the first thing he said!  I can’t talk about Sofia’s accent and ignore Matt’s highly recognizable drawl.  How did he play a Northerner in “Amistad”? How did that work?

Johnny Depp is blond.  With his boyish, floppy-hair style, he looks like a surfer dude.  I’m not loving the blond, but he is a still a mighty fine piece of man.  That chiseled face.  Umph.

 

It amuses me that the writer/director of “12 Years a Slave”—a black Brit—has the same name as supercool man’s man movie icon—white American—Steve McQueen.  (Fun Fact: “12 Years” stars Chiewetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender & Benedict Cumberbatch are also Brits.  The Brit and Aussie ability to mimic American accents is nothing short of astounding.  Yet Sofia Vergara and Matt McConaughey can’t cover their accents!)

Until we meet again (which will probably be the Oscars)…