Oscars 2016

Mark Rylance, Brie Larson, Leonardo DiCaprio and Alicia Vikander

It’s kinda funny that this whole OscarsSoWhite thing happened after they’d already hired Chris Rock to host. Chris is never afraid to shy away from awkward, uncomfortable, race jokes and truths, and now he has a world of material with which to work. Chris is my favorite comedian, so this should be good. Post-opening monologue update: it was good. He did what he does, in his inimitable style.

So many changes to this year’s broadcast. When the presenters come out, there’s a little factoid-caption next to them on the screen. And when the winners go up, their pre-submitted thank you list appears on a crawl across the bottom of the screen. The crawl is rather distracting.

More changes: the writing awards are up first. Some people discount the screenplay awards as insignificant. Well I beg to differ. There wouldn’t be any movies without the screenwriters. They create the story, write the dialogue and define the characters. Personally I’m very much invested in the screenplay winners.

Best Original Screenplay goes to Spotlight. Well-deserved.

Best Adapted Screenplay goes to The Big Short. Definitely a well-written film.

Methinks the white folks in attendance didn’t understand the bit with Stacey Dash. Allow me to enlighten you: Stacey Dash, best known as Alicia Silverstone’s bff in Clueless. Well, Stacey is now a politically conservative Fox News correspondent. The black community was rankled by her recent comments that there shouldn’t be a Black History Month or a BET Awards or anything specifically celebrating a minority group. She’s basically been disowned by Blacks, so the intended joke (didn't work out) was that she would never be a minority outreach liaison. 

Pottymouth (not a judgment, just a fact) comedienne Sarah Silverman looks classy, but I don't like what her dress is doing for her "heavy Jewish boobs" (her words, not mine). 

Sarah Silverman

Sam Smith sings the nominated theme song from Spectre. I do not care for this song, but then I didn’t care for Adele’s Bond song either. But of course I don’t care for Adele anyway. (Scoff.) He sounded a little off tonight as well. I still can’t get over how thin Sam is now. As my friend Bridget noted, he’s morphing into Jude Law (which means we also know what Jude will look like if/when he puts on a few pounds). 

Sam Smith (aka the new Jude Law?)

Damn Henry Cavill (most recent Superman) really made that intro for best picture nominee The Martian sound profound. What a classy accent. And chiseled jam. And excellent posture. Shwing!

Henry Cavill (with Kerry Washington)

Best Supporting Actress. I’m pulling for Alicia Vikander. I absolutely loved her in The Danish Girl. Never heard of her before that, but I’m all about her ever since. And…she wins! Yes, I cheered and clapped though I'm home alone. She deserved that. She’s gonna beat the supporting actress curse. For starters, she’s in the new Jason Bourne film, which should really raise her profile. Oh, and did I mention she's the new face of Louis Vuitton? Most if not all of her dresses throughout awards season have been Louis (this yellow frock being no exception.)

Alicia Vikander

 Charlize Theron—always breathtaking.

Charlize Theron

Best Costume goes to Mad Max: Fury Road. I’ve got your fury right here! Carol (1950s US) or The Danish Girl (20s Netherlands) should have won! What do the Mad Max costumes consist of? I’ll tell you what—grungy tees, cargo pants, and some leather accessories. Who cares?!

Mad Max: Fury Road "fabulous" costumes

Best Production Design also goes to Mad Max. I really should have seen this movie…

Best Makeup goes to…Mad Max. (I know, I’m getting bored too.) At least I understand this victory. Best moment: presenter Jared Leto mentioned merkins live on the Oscar stage. If you don’t know what a merkin is, you are in for a dirty, little treat! Funny word with an even funnier function. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merkin.

Best Cinematography goes to The Revenant. Apparently the same guy won last year for Birdman, which shared the same director as well. At least I liked Revenant better than Birdman. And at least the Mad Max juggernaut was briefly interrupted.

Best Film Editing goes to…Mad Max. And it’s back. Can't believe I didn't go see this stinkin' movie last summer. I certainly considered it but wasn't sure it would be my cup of tea. Apparently it's Oscar's cup of tea. Several cups, in fact.

Cute bit honoring Jack “Black” for “Black” History Month. Get it?! Angela Bassett, featured in the bit, is truly ageless. She looks gorgeous. And the muscle tone in her arms and pecs is still insane, 20+ years after she got super-fit for the Tina Turner biopic, What’s Love Got to Do with It?

Best Sound Editing goes to Carol. Just kidding—it’s frakkin’ Mad Max again.

Best Sound Mixing goes to Mad Max. We get it—it’s a technical marvel. (Eye roll)

The guy who played Jackie Robinson & James Brown in recent biopics is a cutie. Just an observation. (So is Captain America Chris Evans, but you knew that already.) 

Chadwick Boseman and Chris Evans

Best Visual Effects: Ex Machina. Not kidding this time! Someone took a tech award from Mad Max! Poor Star Wars is getting shut out of these tech awards altogether. That’s the real tragedy here. But then again it made as much money as 10 Mad Maxes, so whatevs.

C3PO, R2-D2 and that new orange droid (didn’t bother to learn his name) from the new Star Wars are on stage presenting. Cute little Jacob Tremblay (from Room) is angling for a good view from his seat. I wonder if he’s the only kid at the award ceremony. Must be lonely.

Ellen Degeneres (my 2^nd fave comedian btw) brought pizza for the audience when she hosted; Chris Rock brought girl scout cookies to sell on his daughters’ behalf. Do millionaire actors carry cash to the Oscars? Do they carry cash at all? Because regular middle class folks do not. I mean, I do, but almost none of my friends do.

They awarded animated films and documentaries, but I don’t pay much attention to those. Sorry. But Dev Patel (Slumdog Millionaire, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) presented documentary and he’s sporting longer hair. I don’t like it. Keep it clean-cut, Dev. 

Dev Patel

Jacob Tremblay isn’t the only kid in attendance. The kid from Beasts of No Nation is there too, and they’re presenting Best Short together. Both cute. Both possibly traumatized by their inaugural movie roles (child born in captivity and child-turned-killer-soldier).

Best Supporting Actor is Mark Rylance for Bridge of Spies (Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg). Who? Exactly. This was a sneak attack, the one surprise in the acting categories. Not sure who was favored, but it definitely wasn't this guy (maybe sentimental fave Sly Stallone?). He was nominated for all the awards, but he hasn't won any. Guess he was saving it up for the big one--the little gold guy. Anyhow, he's a very respected stage actor (has 3 Tony awards), and now he's halfway toward an EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony), as is Sam Smith, btw.

Lady Gaga brings the house down with yet another stunning live vocal. In case you were wondering what all the hubbub was about, her song “Until It Happens to You” is about rape. I think it’s more specifically about date rape and college party rape, both of which are less reported than random attacks by total strangers in public. And apparently those were real-life survivors on stage with her.

Best Music Score goes to The Hateful Eight. Apparently this fella has been at it for a long time and is very respected in the business. Hence the standing ovation.

Best Original Song goes to the Sam Smith song for Spectre. I swear every Bond song wins, regardless of whether it’s a good song or not. Ugh.

Um, that clip from best picture nominee Brooklyn had a major spoiler in it. That’s just wrong.

Best Director: Alejandro Inarritu for Revenant. This man seriously just won back-to-back directing Oscars! I find him annoying (I really didn’t like Birdman, last year’s win). And yet I think it’s horribly rude that they are trying to play him off the stage. He won Best Director two consecutive years. I think he’s earned the right to say his piece.

Best Actress: Brie Larson for Room. No surprise here. She’s won everything during awards season. In case you're wondering who this chick is and where she came from, her previous claim to fame (not really) was playing Amy Schumer's more sensible sister in Trainwreck.

Best Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio for Revenant. No surprise here either. “It’s his turn,” they said. And so it was. I wouldn’t have minded seeing Eddie Redmayne win again this year, but oh well. I’m happy Leo finally has an Oscar. It’s his fifth (acting) nomination. Look at all the love for Leo in the room. And near the end of his speech, they finally cut to Kate Winslet, bawling for her cinematic boo. Nice speech about global warming and climate change, Leo. Interesting…they didn’t play him off. I guess he rates more important than his director.

Best Picture: SPOTLIGHT! I was afraid Revenant would take it, or freakin’ Mad Max would rise again but the right film won. Not sure it was my favorite movie of the year, but it was unquestionably my favorite of the nominated films. 

And there you have it. Hollywood awards season comes to a close. Until we meet again...