Either Jane Fonda really hated Jonah Hill’s “bear from The Revenant” bit (it kinda sucked) or she
has a serious case of RBF (resting bitch face). Or that ruffle monstrosity
around her neck and shoulders was about to swallow her whole. Anything’s possible.
Not loving my girl-crush J.Lo in yellow. I think she could
use a different color. But Fashion Police says she was best dressed, so what do
I know?
Brad Pitt is looking good. Short hair, clean-shaven. Me
likey. Seriously it’s the best I’ve seen him in a long time. He’s looking
downright boyishly handsome. Swoon.
Rachel Bloom of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend wins best actress in a
tv comedy. You’ve probably never watched it, but I actually really like it. It’s
quirky fun, but Rachel Bloom is not fully Hollywood-ready. Sorry, Rache, but
you need better hair and makeup. The dress was pretty good (though an A-line
probably would’ve been better since she’s also not quite Hollywood-skinny).
The Amazon sitcom Mozart in the Jungle, which I just heard
of for the first time like two weeks ago, wins best sitcom. There are some
weird choices tonight.
The president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has
been trotted out to speak. I still don’t understand who HFPA is…
Oh, look is Mrs. Johnny Depp, Amber Heard. I’m finally
starting to recognize her. I find her to be rather nondescript, like Connie
Nielson (Gladiator) and Sienna Miller
(American Sniper) before her.
Oscar Isaac (super pilot Poe in the new Star Wars) just won
for some tv movie/miniseries. I like him. He’s cute. That’s all.
OMG I completely forgot about Harrison Ford and Callista
Flockhart being a couple! But there they are, still together, Han Solo and Ally
McBeal.
Why is Tom Ford presenting? He’s a designer.
Christian Slater just won an award. Thanks to Mr. Robot,
he is no longer a tv curse. P.S. his wife is lovely (and looks very young).
Jamie Foxx just announced his daughter as Miss Golden Globe
tonight. I remember when she made the awards circuit with him when he won for
Ray twelve years ago. I thought it was so sweet that he brought his cute little
10-year-old to the Oscars. And now she’s all grown up and beautiful.
Eva Longoria and America Ferrera just did a very funny bit
about how several Latina
actresses have recently been randomly and unfortunately interchanged. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g32j52NRqd0
I want to like Amy Schumer more than I do. Like she’s okay
and all, but I’m just not that into her. I'm not that into her bestie-lovefest with J.Law either.
Ooh, now here’s an Amy I do like: Amy Adams. Where has she
been since American Hustle? I’ve missed her.
Matt Damon wins best actor in a comedy for The Martian. He is such a
charmer. I love you, Will Hunting. He’ll always be Will Hunting to me.
Kate Hudson is presenting with her common-law stepdad Kurt
Russell. Awww.
Seeing last year’s supporting Oscar winners Patricia
Arquette and JK Simmons on stage reminds me that I still haven’t seen the
movies for which they won (Boyhood and Whiplash, respectively). Damn.
My 80s/90s movie crush Sly Stallone just won supporting
actor for Creed, and what a wonderful moment. He is so genuinely touched, and he received
the most heartfelt standing ovation. Everyone seems sincerely happy for him.
(Not so sweet sidenote: Sly is a little too tan.)
Okay, there are way too many nominated movies that I haven’t
seen. Steve Jobs, The Room, The Big
Short. I’m stressing! Some of them aren’t even in theaters anymore!
Mozart in the Jungle wins again, this time for start Gael
Garcia Bernal (tv comedy actor). I don’t wanna watch this show. Do I need to watch this show???
Last year, Transparent won best comedy and actor, this year Mozart. Why is HFPA
sweating Amazon original programming? They just love shiny, new things.
Helen Mirren’s hourglass figure is a marvel. Her sleek blond
bob is fabulous too.
Ricky Gervais: “When Brad and Angelina see the next two
little adorable presenters, they’re gonna want to adopt them. Kevin Hart and
Ken Jeong.” Ha, ha, ha. (It’s funny because they’re so short. And of course
because they’re not white.)
I don’t know what kind of heels Gaga is wearing to accept
her award, but she towers over Kevin and Ken. (IMDB says she’s 5’1”—how short
are Kevin and Ken OR how tall are her shoes?!) Another shiny, new thing for HFPA.
Katy Perry is becoming unrecognizable. She changes her hair,
and I have trouble recognizing her.
Wow, Sam Smith (who just won for the Spectre theme song)
really did slim down.
Okay, Ricky just said something to Mel Gibson on-camera that
had to be fully bleeped. I’m talking like a full sentence. I sure hope they
have the direct quote online tomorrow. Can’t wait!
Sam Esmail, creator of Mr. Robot (best drama winner) is
engaged to Emmy Rossum (Day After Tomorrow, Shameless). Interesting.
Denzel receives the Lifetime Achievement Award. Great,
revered actor. How is his hairline still that good at 61? Inquiring minds want
to know. And get this—he’s been with his wife Pauletta for almost 40 years,
married for 34 years. In Hollywood.
That’s incredible. His speech leaves something to be desired. He forgot it or can't read it without his glasses or something. The result is underwhelming. Does Denzel have to be saying someone else's words in order to be interesting?
Ick, Chris Evans (Captain America) is sporting a beard again.
Why would you cover up that jawline with a beard? The hair and the tux are
flawless though.
Alejandro G. Innaritu directed Leo D’s new film The
Revenant? Well that’s a strike for me
because he also directed Birdman, and I was distinctly not a fan of Birdman.
Kate Bosworth is presenting. She is so shiny (her face, her
arms, her décolletage) and skinny.
Taraji P. Henson is a mess but in a fun way. In honor of her win as Cookie
Lyons on “Empire,” she actually passed out cookies on her way up to the stage
to accept. Classic.
Okay this is where the Globes’ credibility get shaky: the
comedy/musical film category. The Oscars doesn’t do that. Tonight in the best
actress – comedy category, Jennifer Lawrence wins for Joy (which was a decent
but not great movie and only semi-funny), and Amy Schumer was also nominated for
Trainwreck (funny movie, but was Amy a good actress in it???).
Jim Carrey (presenting best comedy/musical) is rocking a
very full beard. I hope that’s for a role. He’s still funny though. (For the
record, The Martian wins, and while it had some very funny moments, I’d hardly
classify it as a comedy.)
Why is Katy Perry at the table front and center? She’s at
the same table as Denzel and Jamie Foxx. Huh? Random pop star, not nominated
for anything, seated with the Lifetime Achievement honoree and the father of the Miss Golden Globes. Hmm.
Oh crap, Brie Larson (Amy Schumer’s sister in Trainwreck)
wins best actress – drama for Room. That movie definitely isn’t playing
anywhere in my vicinity. Dammit. She’s nominated for SAG too.
Leo wins best actor – drama for The Revenant and gets a
standing O…though I’m unclear as to why. Denzel got the O for his body of work
over many decades. Sly got his because he’s never won an acting award in his
life. But Leo has won Globes before—a couple years ago for Wolf of Wall Street
most recently—so what’s the big deal? Is the industry deeply in love with this
movie? HFPA clearly is.
The Revenant also wins best picture – drama. HFPA gives no
love to Spotlight even though it’s won most of the critics’ awards. The Globes
just confuse matters with their highly subjective choices.
One of the funniest moments for me was when Ricky introduced (and gave a backhanded apology to) Mel Gibson. Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhGGCCmbwvc
And Ricky Gervais’ closing words: “From myself and Mel Gibson,
Shalom.” LMAO!
