OSCARS 2014 BLOG

RED CARPET PRE-SHOW

Lupita Nyong’o looks stunning, as usual.  Her color of choice tonight is baby blue, a flowing, princessy number with a deep plunge neckline.  She has no boobs to speak of, which is perfect for the deep plunge.



 Bette Midler and Liza Minelli are both in attendance.  I wonder why? 

Random tv people in attendance: Kerry Washington, Sarah Paulson, Jason Sudeikis.  Well, Sarah was in 12 Years a Slave.  Kerry’s stock is clearly on the rise.  And Jason is Olivia Wild’s baby daddy, and she was in multi-nominated Her, so why not, I guess.

Men look so dapper in a tux.  All men should wear tuxes more often.

And speaking of male fashion, there’s a white jacket trend happening.  Ryan Seacrest, Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey all in white tux jackets.  Did Jared and Matt plan that?  A little costar coordination?


 Moms are also a big accessory for the men.  Jonah Hill, Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey all brought Mama.  Matt gets his dimples from his mother.

Pharell is not wearing his Yogi Bear hat from the Grammys, but he is wearing walking shorts with a tux on top.  He marches to the beat of his own drummer.

Apparently perpetual klutz Jennifer Lawrence, who tripped up the stairs accepting her award last year, tripped over a cone on the red carpet this year.  (That's her being helped up by the policeman.)
 


Switching over to ABC’s coverage (instead of E!), is that male supermodel pioneer Tyson Beckford doing fashion commentary?  It looks like him but it doesn’t look like him.  Is it just a doppelganger?  (Update:  I rewound to catch his intro, and it is indeed Tyson.)

THE OSCARS

Ellen looks so pretty! That Cover Girl is workin’ for her.  Her eyes are really poppin’.

The real Captain Phillips and Philomena are in attendance.  It’s awesome.

This is Meryl’s 18^th nomination?!  She is without equal.

I love Ellen.  She is just so damn likeable.  I love her humor.

Can you believe Jonah Hill is on his second Oscar nomination?  Jonah.  Hill.  Who ever saw that coming?

I’m sure Barkhad Abdi (the Somali pirate from Captain Phillips) is a lovely man, and what a Cinderella story of him getting plucked from obscurity and earning an Oscar nod for his first acting role, but he should have gotten his teeth fixed before awards season.  You’re rolling with the uber-beautiful people now.  But of course he’s probably not very rich yet.  As an unknown, he probably got paid bubkus for his role.  If he keeps acting, he really should consider dental work.

And the first award of the night goes to Jordan Catalano aka Jared Leto for Dallas Buyers Club.  He really is so damn pretty, just like Ellen said.  His acceptance speech was so good!  He thanked his beautiful mom (I see where he gets his looks) and his big bro (whom I didn’t know was in his band 30 Seconds to Mars with him) and gave a thoughtful shoutout to the Ukraine, Venezuela, AIDS-sufferers and the LGBT community.  What a great way to start the show.

Pharell’s “Happy” song is so joyous!  I love that Lupita Nyong’o, Meryl Streep and Amy Adams all played along and danced when he went into the audience.  He lost the walking shorts, but he’s wearing another one of those stupid Yogi Bear hats.  I guess it’s his thing for now.  

Naomi Watts looks beautiful.  Her face and makeup look marvelous.  And that white Calvin Klein dress ain’t bad either.  

The Great Gatsby beat out American Hustle for best costume design.  Boooooo!  Fun fact just learned: the GG costume designer is director Baz Luhrmann’s wife.  It’s a family affair.

Leo DiCaprio is looking mighty fine in his tux.  Poor guy is on his 4^th acting nomination, and Matthew McConaughey is probably gonna win tonight, so Leo’s losing streak will continue.  I hope he wins someday before he gets really old.

Bad Grandpa was nominated for best makeup.  It’s kinda ridiculous that Bad Grandpa was nominated for an Oscar.  Thank goodness it didn’t win.  (Dallas Buyers Club won.)  And why the heck wasn’t American Hustle even nominated?!  Bradley Cooper’s curls, Christian Bale’s hairpiece and both Jennifer Lawrence’s and Amy Adam’s big hairdos are worthy of some awards.

Okay, last year Channing Tatum was part of a dance segment at the Oscars.  But why is he back again this year?  More randomness.

Shot of Brangelina in the audience. They always arrive late, so they often don’t do red carpet interviews.  Brad is looking fairly clean-cut.  Short hair, minimal facial hair.  Me likey.

Why have they dragged out Kim Novak to present an award?  Like too many older Hollywood women, she’s had too much work done.  Her face is rather cartoonish.  And her voice sounds like she’s been smoking since the age of 7.

Emma Watson (aka Hermione) has long hair again.  Did she grow it out or weave it on?  Ya never know with these Hollywood types.

Oh look.  Gravity won Best Visual Effects.  Shocker.  (Not.)

So many random presenters and people in the audience.  Tyler Perry, Zac Efron, Glenn Close, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, John Stamos.  What’s Uncle Jesse doing there?
 

A movie called 20 years to Stardom just won Best Documentary.  I might actually like to see this because it’s about backup singers.  But Darlene Love’s (a “lifer” backup singer whom I know for some strange reason…) spontaneous song during the acceptance speech struck me as weird.

Angelina Jolie won a Humanitarian award at an earlier ceremony.  They showed a clip of her touching acceptance speech, during which she sweetly referenced her deceased mother.  When they cut back to the live Oscar telecast, Brad planted a big supportive kiss on her forehead, and she looked up at him with such adoration.  They seem so stinkin’ in love.  They really do have it all.

U2 is performing their song “Ordinary Love” from the Mandela movie.  It’s weird to see them all low-key and acoustic.

Fruitvale Station wasn’t nominated, but it’s nice that the Academy let Michael B. Jordan present. He just got a role in the reboot of The Fantastic Four.  The kid is going places.

Charlize Theron and Chris Hemsworth are presenting together.  So much hotness on stage at the same time.  They would make a striking and statuesque couple.  But he’s married (and expecting) and she’s dating Sean Penn, whom I concede is very talented but let’s face it, he is not terribly attractive.  And yet he managed to marry (a young) Madonna and Robin Wright.  He pulls hotties. 

They’re cutting to Sandra Bullock a lot in the audience, and she looks lovely.  I like her voluminous hair, swept to one side.  She ain’t gonna beat Cate Blanchett for Best Actress though.

Here comes the adorable Christoph Waltz.  That means it’s Best Supporting Actress time!  C’mon, Lupita.  And the winner is…Lupita!  Her date is a little guy who looks just like her and must be her brother!  And she got a standing o!  Everyone there seems so genuinely happy for her.  I got a little teary during her adorable acceptance speech.  It’s her first movie role, and she’s Hollywood’s new it-girl.  I hope it’s the beginning of a wonderful career (and not the beginning of the supporting-actress winner’s curse).

Ellen actually got pizzas and is passing out slices along with plates and napkins in the audience.  I’m just worried about someone getting pizza grease on their designer duds.  Jared Leto took a slice, and he’s wearing a white jacket.  Yikes!  But I think he handed it off to his mom, who’s wearing black.  I’m pretty sure several of the women who took a slice aren’t really eating it.  Their bodies wouldn’t even know what to do with a white carb, let’s get real.  Then again, Kate Hudson was just chewing on something…

P!nk is performing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from Wizard of Oz as part of its 75^th anniversary tribute.  She sounds terrific (duh), but I’m not loving her dress.  With a body like hers, I think I’d always be wearing something form-fitting.  Btw, this tribute is also why Liza Minnelli is there since Judy Garland was her mom.  Liza’s less-famous brother and sister are there too. 

Ooh Jennifer Garner is wearing a silver, shimmery dress with layers of shimmying fringe.  Very flapperesque.  I love it.

Baz Luhrmann’s wife wins again, this time for set design on Great Gatsby.

What’s with all the facial hair, men?  Now it’s Chris Evans, who is getting better and better looking.  That is, when he doesn’t have full facial hair.  Movember is over.  Shave your faces!

No one can say Glenn Close’s dress isn’t age appropriate, but it’s too covered up.  It’s long sleeved, no décolletage at all, nothing.  It’s downright Victorian (but didn’t they show some boobage even?).
 

I forgot Bette Midler was performing.  She’s doing “Wind Beneath My Wings” following the In Memoriam segment.  She still sounds pretty good, but she’s singing in a lower key than she used to.  I can still remember that I never much liked her live.  She had an annoying habit of changing up the song but not in a good way.  And ugh, she just did the same annoying thing I remember her doing at the end of this song!  Seriously, Bette?  Bad case of déjà vu.  But she still gets a standing o because she’s Bette Midler, and it’s a tribute for the dead.

Okay, we’re 2.5 hours in, and they’ve only presented 2 of the big awards.

You can barely see John Travolta’s eyes.  Has he always been so squinty?  He’s had too much work done, looks weird.

Smooth, Travolta.  He just announced Idina Menzel as “the one and only Adele Dazine” or something like that.  See, those squinty little eyes don’t work very well.  Poor Idina to be so poorly introduced.  Now the people who don’t know who she is still won’t know who she is.  Her moment to shine at the Oscars just got squashed.  Well, at least she’s a star at the Tonys.  And she got a standing o.  Probably because they all feel so bad that Travolta mispronounced her name.  And Ellen very subtly said her name correctly 2x afterwards.  Nice.

Pharell and U2 lose out best song to the Frozen song.  I guess the award goes to the songwriter, so Idina Menzel does not get it.  Some fun musical writing couple got it, and they gave a pretty fun speech.

Penelope Cruz looks very pretty in feminine and flowy pink dress.  Her accent is as thick and inscrutable as ever.

Best Original Screenplay goes to Spike Jonze for Her!  I just cheered and clapped out loud, I’m so excited.  I loved this movie, especially the story and the writing.  I wanted it to win so badly, and it did.  Best Adapted and Original Screenplay are generally considered part of the big 8 awards, but lots of people don’t care much about them. I care very much about the writing awards because the writing is the foundation of any movie.  The writing is what makes a movie clever or touching or funny or poignant.  And writers give good speeches, too.

Alfonso Cuaron wins Best Director for Gravity.  He’s been winning a lot of awards, and he always says something funny, often by accident.  His accent is thick, and the language barrier is still in effect sometimes.  He really seems to love him some Sandy Bullock.

Oh Daniel Day-Lewis.  I will always have a little crush on you, My Beautiful Laundrette (that’s an early DDL film).  And Best Actress is…Cate Blanchett.  So far no surprises in the acting categories.  I am not a Woody Allen fan, but I may have to see Blue Jasmine because apparently Cate, whom I love dearly, is fantastic in it.  She has won at pretty much every award show this season, and she gives terrific acceptance speeches every time.  Tonight was no exception.
 

Sidenote:  Cate just mentioned that fellow nominee Judi Dench isn’t present because she’s in India making a sequel.  I assume it’s a sequel to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and that makes me very happy because I loved that delightful little movie.  I hope the sequel doesn’t suck.

As expected, Matthew McConaughey wins Best Actor.  He looks so happy.  It was so sweet when he teared up talking about his wife and kids.  His speech is long and a bit rambling (he included an rather long anecdote), but I think it was shorter than the 6-minute opus he delivered when accepting the Independent Spirit Award last night.  It’s been a long and winding journey to the podium for the sexy cowboy.  It’s very special when someone goes from being just a pretty face or a commercially successful actor to being a respected actor.  Plus he fought long and hard to get this movie made, so he’s extra proud of its success.  Along with Lupita and Jared, Matt is a first-time winner and first-time nominee.  Cate’s been here before (she won for The Aviator), but for the newbies it must be even more of a rush.  That being said, his speech wasn’t as good as Lupita, Jared or Cate.  But I love that he threw in “All right, all right, all right” one last time for the award season.

Will Smith (whose earrings—plural—look rather ridiculous) presents Best Picture to…12 Years a Slave.  So Brad Pitt finally wins an Oscar, not as an actor but as a producer.  Now he and Angie have matching gold statues.  Matching bookends, perhaps?
 

I think the show only went over by a few minutes.  And I don’t think the band played anyone off tonight, did they?  If so, it was rare enough that I don’t even remember it.  That was refreshing.  It’s a big moment even for the folks we don’t care about.  Let them have their freakin' moment!

Well, that's all she wrote.  And by she, I mean me.  So another awards season comes to a close.  Let’s do it again next year!