The Oscars: My Superbowl

As always, I apologize for type-o’s, omissions, etc. I watched the E! preshow, the ABC preshow, the Oscar telecast itself and the E! postshow. I am serious about Oscar!  The dvr allowed me to fast-forward through impertinent material.  The dvr has simplified and enhanced my Oscar viewing experience.  I even managed to watch Watching Dead last night once I initially caught up with the live broadcast. Now that’s what I call effective time management, baby!

RED CARPET PRE-SHOWS

What are you doing at the Oscars?

Lori Singer – Seriously, has she done something since Footloose?  And I’m talking about the 1984 original, not the recent remake. Never liked her. She wasn’t worthy of Ren (Kevin Bacon).

Zoe Saldana – Are she and Best Actor nominee & Sexiest Man Alive (1 year removed) Bradley Cooper on or off as a couple right now?

Channing Tatum – Reigning Sexiest Man Alive. Does one get invited just for holding that title?

Daniel Radcliffe, Chris Evans, Jennifer Aniston, Kristen Stewart

Apparently some of these random folks may be in some skits onstage. Should be interesting.

MORE RED CARPET REFLECTIONS

People show up so early now!  Two hours before showtime, nominee Jessica Chastain is there. Former winner Reese Witherspoon is there too.

Quvenzhane Wallis (9-year-old Best Actress nominee) is so cute in her evening gown. And she has a furry dog purse. Just a little girl…on the Oscar red carpet.  And next she gets to play Annie in Will Smith’s remake. 

Octavia Spencer looks beautiful.  Nice to see a real-sized woman actually dressed well for her body type.  Of course, it doesn’t hurt that it looks like she lost some weight too. That or her Spanx is working really well. Maybe a combination of both.

And hear comes Melissa McCarthy. Love her, but she pretty much never dresses her real-sized body well.  Why, Melissa, why???  And her hair is like a lion’s mane.

Bradley Cooper brought his mom. All together now, awwwwww.

I really don’t see a lot of fashion faux pas tonight. Almost everyone looks great!

Pale colors and whites seem to be a big trend tonight.

Charlize Theron is rocking that ultra-short pixie ’do like nobody’s business.  Like Halle Berry, she’s one of the few women who looks better with less hair. Too much hair just distracts from how ridiculous beautiful they are.

Hugh Jackman’s wife is wearing a pantsuit. You’re on the arm of a Best Actor nominee on the Oscar red carpet. Kick it up a notch!

Is Adele tall? She looks like a giant next to Kristin Chenoweth. Perhaps Adele is on a stand, and maybe Kristin kicked her shoes off.  I know KC is super tiny, but I didn’t think of Adele as unusually tall.  Can’t wait to hear her sing.  Not.

Okay, Anne Hathaway looks like a giant next to KC also. But that I expected. I do think Anne is rather tall for a girl.

Jamie Foxx’s daughter is gorgeous. I remember her being a somewhat little girl (around 10—was it that long ago?!) when he won his Oscar for Ray.  Now she’s 19, in college and all grown up.

Jamie Foxx told Kelly Rowland he’s always had a crush on her, and she got all flustered. Kinda sweet.  Also maybe a little inappropriate (I need to check on the age differential there…)

Wow, Renee Zellweger.  Haven’t seen her in ages.  What the hell was the last movie she did?!  Sadly that Supporting Actress curse may have claimed her.

OSCAR CEREMONY

Seth McFarlane’s monologue is going well, right outta the gate. He got Tommy Lee Jones to smile immediately! Somewhere Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are green with envy.

I love Seth’s references to other awards show moments from this season.

Seth has a pretty nice singing voice.

Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron ballroom dancing.  Lovely. (Now we know why CT was there.)

And here comes Daniel Radcliffe with more Old Hollywood song-and-dance.

I just realized: Sally Field won 2 Oscars (Norma Rae & Places in the Heart) and like so many actresses-of-a-certain-age (and more recently actors, as well) turned to tv, starring as the matriarch on Brothers and Sisters for like 5 years. The show ended, she made Lincoln, and now she’s nominated again. You can come home again. 

Joaquin Phoenix, please do something to improve your look.  I’m not sure what, just something.

Wow—all of the Supporting Actor nominees are past winners. That’s gotta lessen the pain of losing.

Yay, Christoph Waltz wins! I like him. He’s such a charming little European man. And Django Unchained was off the chain! (Get it?! But in all seriousness, I loved it.  Viva Quentin Tarantino.)

Oh, good grief, Jack Nicholson. Still with the bed-head and the sunglasses sitting down front at the Oscars. Comb your hair and take off the shades.

John Travolta and Paul Rudd, what’s up with your hair?

Melissa McCarthy and Paul Rudd, your banter is flopping hard.

This Life of Pi clip is kinda making me wish I’d seen it.

I hope Quevenzhane Wallis doesn’t cry when she loses. I always wonder how these young kids keep it together in competitive Hollywood.

The winning cinematographer for Life of Pi sounds like a rambling idiot. And he looks like an aging lead singer of an 80’s hair band. The latter is the real offense.

They totally cut off the Life of Pi visual effects guy during his acceptance speech. Beyond rude! I know some of these folks are kinda dull, but ya need to let them have their moment. (Of course, it’s easy for me to say that as I fast-forward over such drivel.)

Oh, a Bond tribute. How nice. Fast-forwarding…

I’m seeing a lot of missed opportunities to pan to audience members for reaction shots as Seth zings them. Wake up, camera guys.

A segment on the 21^st century resurgence of musicals. Catherine Zeta-Jones did a fine job with All That Jazz from Chicago, but J.Hud got the standing o for And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going from Dreamgirls.  Les Mis got a standing o also, but I mean, how could they not?  The whole freakin’ cast is up there!  It was pretty impressive. Poor CZJ got the short end of the stick going first.

Zoe Saldana’s purpose is revealed: she’s (Uhura) presenting with Chris Pine (Captain Kirk) to promote the upcoming Star Trek movie.

Ted (yes, the movie bear) is presenting with Mark Wahlberg.  I didn’t care to see it, but it made a buttload of money and a lot of people thought it was hilarious, so I watched it on the plane ride home from Dubai. I was underwhelmed.

Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty tie for best sound editing. And one of the winners seems to be another aging 80’s hair band rocker. Why won’t these old dudes cut their hair?!

The Sound of Music bit had me in stitches!!! Audible guffaws. Doesn’t get any better than that.

The Princess Bride is now an Academy Award Winner. How far she’s come. I know you’re somewhat overcome, Anne Hathaway, but you better speed this up before the band plays you off.

Blech. Here comes Adele. At least this dress is way better than than hideous shoud’ve-been-drapery dress she wore to the Grammys.  But is that all her hair, or does she have some filler in there?  It’s looking very full. Fast forwarding now…

How cute. They had the wizard (Harry Potter) present with the fangbanger-turned-vamp Bella (Twilight). 

The acceptance speeches are not very good this year. Hopefully the winners for best screenplay will fix that. They are writers, after all.

I want to fast-forward over the In Memoriam segment, but I can’t. It’s always filled with nostalgic surprises. (“I forgot so-and-so died;”  “I didn’t know he died!”)

Ooh, I forgot Barbra Streisand was going to perform. She’s honoring Marvin Hamlisch (whom I forgot died!), singing Memories. I imagine her voice isn’t what it used to be. But she sounds better than most 70-year-olds I’ll bet. Is she still a gay icon.  I mean, for the younger set. Do young gays study up on the old greats, like Babs, Judy Garland, etc.?

I was thinking that Renee Zellweger’s eyes are so damn squinty and sunken into her puffy face, how does she see out of them?  And lo and behold, Richard Gere held out the envelope for her to read the winner and she couldn’t! LOL!  Queen Latifah had to step in and read it for her.

Oh, goody. Adele won. That Skyfall song isn’t even very good! Now she’s got the G and the O in EGOT. (That’s Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony—very few people have EGOT’s.)

I just saw John Stamos in the audience. What’s he doing there?

Cheers and claps for Quentin Tarintino winning Best Original Screenplay for Django Unchained. (I literally cheered and clapped. I love me some Tarantino movies. He has a weird and wonderful mind.)

Jane Fonda looks good. Like crazy good for a woman that is nearly 80.

Ang Lee wins Best Director over Steven Spielberg and whoever else was nominated. Damn it. I might have to see Life of Pi.

OMG, first the Princess Diary and now Katniss wins. And she was so overcome that she tripped on her way up to the podium. The very gallant Hugh Jackman tried to rush to her aid.

Meryl Streep, you goddess you, presenting a very handsome Best Actor category (discounting Joaquin Phoenix).

Speaking of Joaquin, he looks so uninterested (or is it disinterested?) in being there. He was looking at his nails or something when they announced his nomination and just looked disgusted with the whole thing. So why even show up?

And DDL (that’s Daniel Day-Lewis) just won his 3^rd Best Actor statue, the first man to do that. Method acting has really paid off for him. They better not play him off! He deserves to speak as long as he wants.  [They didn't play him off, and he was damn funny in his speech. Who knew DDL could be funny? Is there anything he can't do? Doubtful.]

FLOTUS (first lady of the US) presents Best Picture to Argo from the White House via Jack Nicholson. That’s unexpected. The Academy must feel like a bunch of boobs for not nominating Ben Affleck for Best Director.

Ben Affleck is doing his acceptance speech for Best Pic like an auctioneer. I think he’s very emotional. Aw, he’s having a moment. I’m getting a little misty b/c I too remember the last time he stood up there when he won Best Screenplay with Matt Damon for Good Will Hunting 15 years ago.  (I looooved Good Will Hunting, and was so happy they won.) Ben was snubbed for a Best Director nod, but he won the whole enchilada. And he won in the court of public opinion. He is a beloved and respected director in Hollywood now. The stink of Gigli and Reindeer Games is all but forgotten.

FINAL THOUGHTS

As always, I enjoyed the show. I’m an Oscarphile and not ashamed of it. I thought Seth did a good job, lots of funny comments, several kind of “inside” for those who have followed all the of the hoopla and press leading up to the big show.  The speeches finally got good when the big winners were finally announced.

I also liked that several movies won major awards instead of one film sweeping the awards. I hate when that happens. The love was shared amongst several deserving films, so lots of movies can now count themselves “Academy Award Winner.”  And I saw almost all of them.  (Damn you, Life of Pi!)

And so another award season comes to a close. What do I have to look forward to now?  Oh yeah—2 Bruno concerts, spring break, a Beyonce concert, a Jewel concert, summer vacation. I think I’m gonna be all right.